A High Functional Love
by LisakomTrikru
Summary: A online dating fanfic about Lexa Woods who has high funtional autism and Clarke Griffin who is a paramedic. A story about two different people, how they fall in love and everything inbetween. Happy ending for Clexa.
1. They Meet

**Hey guys! This is my first story since seven years so bear with me! I may not update every week as I have two jobs that take up a lot of time. A big thank you for everyone who gives this fanfic a chance!**

LexaRexa. The name is glaring at her. After her therapist told her it was time to start exploring the outside World Anya had the fabulous idea of online dating. Which was relatively fine by her, she never planned on meeting the girls anyway.

Lexa never understood why Anya insists on becoming more outgoing as it may change her life. She is 22 years old, lifes in her own apartment and works as a writer for several newspapers which she can do from home. So all in all she thinks her life is pretty damn good. It didn't matter to her that she had no friends besides Anya and she only leaves her home for grocery shopping.

She has always been different and since her diagnosis of high functional autism she finally knows why. Anya has become even more protective of her. Hence her therapist Indra who after three years of guidance told her to go exploring as her anxiety attacks are getting better with each appointment.

Anya made a list - Lexa loves lists - of things she could do that she would still be comfortable with. None of those offers suited her that much so she just closed her eyes and pointed at the paper. That led her up to this moment, sitting in front of her laptop, her sister by her side, creating her online dating profile.

**Name:** **LexaRexa**

**Age:** **26 years**

**Hobbys:** **Writing**

**Music:** **Anything that's not too loud**

**What to know about me: **

The last question stopped her. On one hand she is not sure whether or not she wants the internet and so the women near her to know that she has autism, most people in her life reacted badly when she told them. On the other hand it would make things that much easier. There would be no need for her to explain herself all the time, well that means if someone spend the time reading something about her condition. Lexa ponders over the question for several more moments then she decides to stop being afraid.

**What to know about me: I have high functioning autism.**

"Good choice", Anya glances over her shoulder, "the last thing you need to do is choose a cute picture for a profile and you're ready to go."

"Are you out of your mind? Everyone will recognize me if I go outside."

"Don't be such a drama queen. You're cute, let the girls know."

Lexa just rolls her eyes and jugs a pen at her sisters head. Catching it with ease Anya throws it right back and hits her square in the forehead. "Don't roll your eyes at me young lady! I'm just trying to help you with your love life."

"I do not want a love life An. I'm only doing this because Indra told me to and I trust her. But I wouldn't mind some conversations with women who have the same interests as me."

"God you're boring." Knowing that her little sister is stalling Anya grabs her laptop and searches for a good picture. She then clicks on the "Upload" button and a message pops up on the screen.

_Thanks for choosing our website!_

_After our verification of your profile you'll receive an email._

Lexa stares at the screen for a moment then turns to Anya.

"You wanna stay for lunch? I wanted to make homemade pizza."

"Count me in kid."

"Stop calling me that!"

"No."

Clarke Griffin closes her apartment door promptly sinks against it and lets out a deep breath. 48 hours. 48 hours of trying to help people, of screaming, of crying. God she hates the brutal accidents and today it was one of the really bad ones on the highway where a lot of vehicles were involved. Even Though she loves her job, sometimes she's afraid of going to work. Being a paramedic is more difficult than not. But it's the job she has been doing for three years now and it will probably stay with her for the rest of her life. She just loves helping people too much. One of her roommates pokes her head around the corner.

"You alright there Griff?"

"Honestly? No, work was hell today."

Octavia nods systematically and moves to help her friend. She has known Clarke since kindergarten, knows exactly how fragile her blonde friend can be. The advantage of their long friendship is that she has just the idea how to cheer her up.

"Come on Clarke. I'll run you a nice and warm bath and you can relax for a bit huh?"

"Thanks babe, you're the best."

Clarke slips out of her work boots and jacket and makes her way to the bathroom. She is relieved to have Octavia by her side, the only one missing is her second roommate who is at work. Raven, whom she met in college where they were hooking up during a party. The friendship was born on the morning after while they went for breakfast and decided they liked each other but hooking up should stay a one time thing.

Lounging in the bathtub she thinks about the last to days, trying to cope with what she saw. In all these years I never got easier and she suspects it never will. After a few unsuccessful tries she grabs her phone that she always puts besides the bathtub and opens Instagram to distracht herself. Five minutes later Clarke is already bored and after complimenting she opens the dating app she uses since about two months.

She is not very fond of online dating but working such crazy hours makes it nearly impossible for her to meet new people. So Clarke decided to give it a try and had a few dates with a lovely woman named Niylah who was certainly impressed by her job but didn't want a relationship with someone who is never around. Since then there was no one who catched her interest enough to get an evening off but she liked to scroll through the suggestions to pass time.

Clarke stopped at the picture of a beyond cute looking woman with brown, wavy hair and eyes as green as the forest. She looked amazing with her high cheekbones which were dotted with freckles. Without realizing it she clicked on the profile and read her name.

_LexaRexa. God that's adorable and she even lives close by._

Should she sent her a message? Her last dating attempt failed and after that she just did not have the motivation for another try. But it would only be one message. How could it hurt? Clarke decided to just go with it. Worst case scenario is that she gets no answer.

_Hey, I know it is cliche but I saw your picture and you are just too cute not to write you. I hope you are doing well and have a lovely day! _

_Clarke_

God here goes nothing. Embarrassed Clarke drops her phone on her towel and sinks back in the now lukewarm water.

After finishing lunch Lexa and Anya sit on the couch and are watching a movie, laptop forgotten on the couch table. It made the sound of an incoming email. Lexa moved to look at its screen and looked confused on the notification. "Wow that was fast."

"What?" Anya peeked curiously over her shoulder, " wow kid, you already got a message. Chop chop open it!"

Her sister is right and with a deep breath Lexa clicked on the message and opens it.

**So first chapter is up I hope you all like it! I think with the topic it is important to say that everyone who has autism feels and expiriences things differently. I have high functiontional autism and can only speak for myself! **


	2. Chat Conversation

**Second chapter is up! I actually have no beta reader for this and I'm from Germany so please excuse any spelling mistakes!**

Clarke0507: Hey, I know it is cliche but I saw your picture and you are just too cute to not write. I hope you are doing well and have a lovely day! Clarke

Lexa squints her eyes at her laptop, her head slightly tilted to the side. "She says I'm cute. Is that good? I mean is that flirting?"

Anya shakes her head with a fond look in her eyes. Her little sister was always completely oblivious to flirting and anything that has to do with someone expressing feelings. "That's great! You gonna write her back?"

Lexa hesitates for a moment before answering, "I don't know, I mean I'm not interested in a relationship, so would I not kinda lead her on? Besides look at her profile, we don't have anything in common."

"God Lex, don't make a science out of this. You can always tell her that you're not interested in having dates, she is a big girl and can handle this...well I hope. But don't tell me she is not cute, because I would go for her and I'm usually not into blondes."

"Okay fine but what do I say?" Lexa trusts her sister more than any person on this planet even more than her parents. Anya was always there for her, in kindergarten when the bullies wouldn't stop, in high school when the teachers couldn't understand why they needed to be careful with her and during college.

Anya lays a comforting hand on Lexas shoulder, "just be you kid. Write what comes first to your mind. She needs to like you for you."

"I don't need her to like like me, I just need not to be called a freak and have a nice conversation for once."

"Well go on then, try it."

LexaRexa: Hey, thank you I guess. First I feel kind of obligated to tell you that I'm not on this website to look for a relationship, I'm just doing it because my therapist said I need to be more outgoing and I randomly picked this option.

They waited a for minutes for the reply.

Clarke0507: Well that's fine. My job is not exactly the best for a relationship. So let's agree on talking? We could get to know each other. I know it is pretty well unorthodox but I just wanted to ask what for does a lovely woman like you need a therapist if you don't mind me asking? You can never be too careful on the internet.

Most people would be offended by the question as it is pretty straight forward but Lexa likes it. As Anya always says she has no filter and no sense of sensitivity. It is quite refreshing to talk to someone who is the same and not weirded out.

LexaRexa: Did you not read the information on my profile?

Across town Clarke looks at the message and draws her eyebrows together in confusion. What's that supposed to mean? She clicks on LexaRexas profile and reads it again. Suddenly it dawns on her what her chat partner meant. She has high functional autism.

Clarke is no stranger to autism, it was covered during her training to being a paramedic so she knows what to expect. Does it bother her? No, she knows that most people have heard about all the stereotypes that come with the diagnosis but fortunately she is aware that every person is different. You really have to get to know the person and not just judge her beforehand. With that thought she writes her next answer.

Clarke0507: I read it know and I just have to say that it does not change a thing. I don't form an opinion on someone without knowing them. May I ask you what your real name is? Calling you LexaRexa might get confusing with time.

Lexa and Anya stare at Clarkes reply dumbfounded. They were expecting about anything but this. Anya is the first one to find words. "Well that girl is certainly something different." Her little sister agrees.

LexaRexa: My name is Lexa. Thanks for being so understanding.

Clarke0507: It changes nothing about who you are and that's the only thing I want to know. Thank you for telling me your name. In case you couldn't tell my name is Clarke. Your profile says that your hobby is writing, what do you like to write about?

LexaRexa: I'd say that I write about anything that comes to my mind but my favourites are fantasy books. Your hobby is painting, any favourite motives?

Clarke0507: I'm a sucker for fantasy books! I loved Lord of the Rings, read all of the books in one weekend! Well I really enjoy to paint sceneries but with my job there is just no time.

LexaRexa: Where are you working?

Clarke0507: I'm a paramedic at the local hospital. And you? What do you do for a living?

LexaRexa: That's quite impressive. I'm writing for several newspapers so I can pretty much work from home. I tried to work in a office for a long time but it just didn't like it you know? Too much noise and too many people.

Clarke0507: Wow not bad? What about your fantasy stories? Yeah I get it, you have trouble with handling all the noise and things that you see right? People with autism have serious trouble with processing all those external stimuli if I remember my training correctly.

Again the sisters are quite stunned. Looks like Clarke really knows what she is talking about. If she is being honest Lexa is quite impressed and thinks that this online dating thing is not as bad as she thought.

Before Lexa can write the next message Anya stands. "Well kid I have to go. I have a very busy day tomorrow and want to get enough sleep."

"What are you talking about, we just had lunch?"

"Look at the clock kid, it's almost six. I want to go know to avoid the traffic on my way home."

Lexa stands up, gives Anya a quick hug - she still is not used to touching people even her own sister - and sits back down, "write me when you get back and thanks for your help."

"No problem kid! I hope you have fun with Clarke!" and with that Anya is out of the door.

Clarke0507: You still there?

LexaRexa: Yeah sorry, my sister was with me and I was saying goodbye.

Clarke0507: No problem, so tell me what do you like to do in your freetime?

Their conversations goes for another few hours. Clarke eventually leaves the the bathtub and goes to her room and Lexa lounges on her couch. Their first encounter leaving them both with a warm feeling in their chests.

**Hey guys! I hope you like the second chapter. Thanks for all the kind words! See you next time :)**


	3. Getting to know each other

**New chapter is up guys. Thanks for all the positive feedback! I wish you a good time :) **

They spent the next few days just talking and getting to know each other. The first thing they learned was that they really don't have very much in common, the second thing is that it doesn't really matter much.

Lexa for example learned that Clarke loves her job but also hates seeing injured children, they usually give her nightmares. She always loved to draw but never wanted to make it her everyday job. She has a large group of friends most of them she knows from high school and college, Octavia being the only exception.

Clarke learned that Lexa has been writing since high school, it helped her cope with the bullying from her peers. She loves working from home as she is most relaxed here. She doesn't have many friends, well the only ones being her sister Anya and their cousin Lincoln. So okay maybe she doesn't have friends only relatives she talks to on a regular basis and they get her and understand to an extent how she sees the world.

Today Clarke has a rare day off and spends of with her two roommates. They decide to go for a late lunch and are heading off a few minutes later. Half an hour later they are seated at their favorite restaurant and are chatting away. Octavia leans forward in her seat and smirks at Raven, "do you think know is a good time to ask Clarke about all the messages she received the last few days?" Raven grins right back at her, "I would vote yes and if we're at it we can ask her who got her smiling like that."

"You don't know anything about being subtle huh?" rolling her eyes Clarke smiles at her friends, "I actually met a women on the app I met Niyah. I don't know we're just talking about everything and nothing really and she is different." That got Octavia to raise her eyebrows, "In all the years I've known you never said that someone is special. Who the hell is this woman?"

"Her name is Lexa, she is a writer and lives in the city. She just has something about her, she doesn't want a relationship, she just wants to talk and that's kinda refreshing."

Raven holds up her hand, "wait, hold up. She is on a dating app but doesn't want a relationship? That's I don't know kinda odd. What's up with her?"

Clarke gets angry at that. She doesn't know why but knowing that Lexa has autism Raven's comment just doesn't sit right with her and before she can stop herself she snaps at her friend, "Lexa has autism so it's very hard for her talk to new people and I think it's very brave of her and not odd!"

Her friends blink at her, too shocked to say anything. Octavia is the first to recover, "wow, Clarke you really care for her." Raven is quick to join in, "I'm sorry, I was an asshole. She really sounds like a brave person. Tell us more about her."

That got Clarke smiling again and she has a little spark in her eye, "okay, let me start from the beginning."

Lexa has a bad day. In the morning she slept past eight o'clock, so her schedule was messed up. To make matters worse she accidently bought the wrong shampoo which to others may seem insignificant but to her it's a huge deal. She likes things to be the same, same time to get up, same shampoo, same cereals so all in all the same routine everyday. It's not that she has tantrums anymore if something changes but it leaves her on edge the whole day. She kinda hates to admit it but she is looking forward to the messages from Clarke. They became part of her day and a pretty nice part of it too.

The sound of the closing door pulls her out of her thoughts and she frowns, Anya didn't notify her that she is coming today. She knows Lexa doesn't like to be surprised, she likes to prepare for certain things, a visit from her sister for example.

"Hey kid! I'm sorry I didn't call you but I haven't heard from you in a few days, I was in the area and thought I could look after you." Anya appears in her living room and sinks down beside her on the couch. Lexa tries to hide the website on her laptop but she is too slow in doing so and her sister catches a glimpse of it.

"Wait a second, is that the dating website that we made a profile for? You're actually still on that?"

Lexa thinks about lying for a moment but there's the glee she always feels when she gets a message from Clarke. She is not stupid, even if she is not an expert with feelings she knows that it's probably not just anticipation. She should just go for it and have that awkward talk with her sister but at least she is smarter after it.

"Yeah, I didn't give it up yet and there is something I wanted to talk to you about concerning the dating site. I erm I think I met someone?" If it wasn't such a serious topic she would've laughed at the way Anya almost snapped her neck with how fast her head whipped around to look at her, "you did what? I thought you said you met someone."

"Yeah I think you called it that. Look the women - Clarke - who sent me a message the day we made the profile? We started talking and have been ever since. She is really nice and never said anything about me not wanting a relationship. She kinda gets me I think? And you know the best part? She doesn't think I'm creepy or strange or weird, she said I'm adorable. I like that I really do but every time my laptop or my phone beeps with a new message from her I get this fuzzy feelings and I don't know what to do."

Anya is looking at her little sister, speechless. Never in all this years she has she seen so much emotion from her sister when another human being was involved and frankly she is not sure whether she is happy or concerned with this development,"I get why you're nervous about this but Lex as long as you're happy and she is good to you there's nothing to worry about. Try to just embrace it as it comes, I know now that is very hard for you but please try okay?"

Lexa nods, "okay I'll try."

"Good now why don't you tell me more about Clarke."

Anya has never seen a smile spread so quickly on her sisters face.

"Where should I start? Oh I know she has two roommates Octavia and Raven…"


	4. Chat Conversation II

Clarke0507: I'm very sorry I didn't sent you a message yesterday. I was out with my roommates and I just didn't have the time. I know routine is important to you and you probably were out of it. Is there something I can do?

Clarke desperately hoped for an answer,the guilty feeling eating away at her. Her friends told her that Lexa is a big girl and could handle one day without a message but she knew that it isn't that easy. When she saw the typing symbol an the chat her heart felt a lot lighter.

LexaRexa is typing.

LexaRexa: Hey Clarke. Yesterday was a pretty bad day all in all but Anya was there and she helped to dwell some of the anxiety. Thank you for your concern tho.

Well not exactly friendly like always but Lexa talks to her, she'll take it.

Clarke0507: I'm very very sorry! I won't happen again I promise. Was the anxiety that bad? Did you need to do something against it?

LexaRexa: No, fortunately I went away on its own. I have like a special technique that helps me with it but I don't want to bore you with it. How was your day with your roommates?

Clarke0507: You don't bore me you know that! Tell me about it :) Yesterday was pretty good it was overdue, we had a lot of fun.

That made Lexa pause. She knew that Clarke was pretty interested in her diagnosis and asked a lot of questions to understand her better but she had still trouble to believe that she is the first human being besides her family that is not bored or sometimes frustrated by it. The warm feeling in her chest increased tenfold.

LexaRexa: I'm glad to hear that, from what I remember your friends are very important to you right? Like family? Well as for the anxiety attacks it always helps me to wear comfortable clothes, they have to be soft that always calms me down. I cuddle up on the couch with hot chocolate and a good movie.

She doesn't know why but imagining Lexa in soft pyjamas with her cute glasses sitting on the couch and cuddled up in a lot of blankets starring transfixed on the screen made butterflies swirl in her stomach.

Clarke0507: I have to be honest, that image is quite adorable :) Yeah as I don't really have family besides my mom the rugrats kinda became my family. They are like your soft pyjamas on a hard day for me. How is work?

LexaRexa: Quite good, I have interesting topics so the articles kind of write themselves. I hope it stays that way for some time. How have you been at work? There weren't any big accidents on the news so I guess nothing that terrible happened?

Clarke0507: No, it was quite good. Some little accidents nothing to worry about. I'm quite glad I can't quite shake off the accident a few days ago. Sometimes it's hard.

Lexa pauses, she's afraid what she wants to say next is too childish but Clarke always calls her adorable and she asks Anya that means something good so maybe she should try it?

LexaRexa is typing.

Then she stops and deletes it. To hell with it.

LexaRexa: You could try watching Brother Bear. It's one of my favourite movies actually.

Lexa can feel the heat in her cheeks she prays Clarke doesn't see her as a child for still watching Disney movies.

Clarke0507: Do you have any idea how cute you are? Seriously I never met anyone like you.

LexaRexa: I hope that is a good thing?

Clarke0507: Yes don't worry :)

Clarke0507 is typing.

Clarke0507: Lexa I know it's not your thing and you'll probably say no but would you like to meet up for coffee some time? You could choose the time and place so it would be easier for you?

Lexa never expected Clarke to ask her to meet on real life so she had no time to prepare for it but what she really didn't expect is that the proposal didn't scare her off as bad as she thought. Maybe it would be quite nice to meet with Clarke and there was a coffee shop right opposite her apartment. She would be home in a few seconds if she so desired. Also Clarke kind of makes her feel safe.

LexaRexa: Actually there is a coffee shop near my apartment. We could meet there if you like.

Okay Clarke that is it. She said yes, not that she expected it but her heart felt like it beat out of her chest. Don't fuck this up!

Clarke0507: That would be lovely, how about sometime next week? You like to prepare for stuff like this right?

Lexa couldn't stop the stupid grin from forming in her lips, Clarke remembered.

LexaRexa: Yeah, nice that you remembered.

Clarke0507: Anytime! So it's quite late I'm gonna go to bed alright?

LexaRexa: Of course sweet dreams Clarke!

Clarke0507: Good night Lexa!

Later when Clarke is laying in bed one thought suddenly pops into her head and doesn't let her sleep for the most night. Did she ask Lexa out on a date? And did Lexa really accept? Well that depends on whether the brunette thinks of it as a date or not. This thing suddenly got way more complicated.

**Hey guys new chapter is out! Some of you may think that Lexa agreed to quick on this date for someone who has autism but please bare in mind that it works different for every person. My boyfriend asked me out after a few days too and as Lexa feels with Clarke I felt understood and safe so I decided to just go for it.****Happy Easter to everyone! :)**


	5. Excitement

One thing Lexa knows for sure is that Clarke may be one of the cutest humans she ever met. during the last days she did everything in her power so the brunette did not get nervous, she hardly talked about their meeting with the exception of arranging a suitable time for both. Clarke simply tried her best to at as normal as possible and that gives Lexa enough time to prepare herself. One of the things that causes the most anxiety is doing something unknown or going to an unknown place. She doesn't really know whether it feels that way for everyone but it helps her imagining every detail of their date. She prepares for everything that could possibly happen, it puts her at ease.

Tomorrow was the big day, they both hoped there was no accident so Clarke can finish her morning shift as planned. Well there are a few moments were Lexa wished the blonde couldn't make it, the excitement getting the best of her.

Lexa paced in her living room she just couldn't hold still. Should she maybe call Anya? Her sister always knew what to do. Before she can think about it she grabs her phone and dials the number.

"Hello? Lexa? Is everything okay? You never call."

"I have to tell you something but you need to promise that you won't freak out okay?"

"Now you are scaring me a little kid."

"It's something good, I think. You remember Clarke right? Well she asked me if I want to meet her for coffee and I kind of said yes? We are going to meet us tomorrow at the coffee shop across my apartment and I'm getting really nervous."

There is stunned silence on the end of the line for several seconds.

"What? You...what? You have a date tomorrow?"

That gets Lexa to frown. They are meeting up for coffee but that doesn't mean that it is a date right? Clarke surely would have said something if that is the case….right?

"It's not a date Anya. Clarke simply wants to meet, so we can talk in person you know?"

"Kid don't take this the wrong way but if someone asks you to coffee on a dating site it usually is a date even when you told them you don't want a relationship."

That...okay well that makes sense. God, she agreed to go on a date with Clarke. Her stomach turns. Clarke is really really great but there is a reason why she doesn't want a relationship. Lexa tried it one time with a girl she really thought she could trust and it went horribly. Costia didn't understand her at all and no matter how often Lexa tried to explain things to her it always led to more and more arguments till they broke up.

"Lexa? You still there?"

"Yeah, sorry I just...I don't know if I want to do this again. Last time was bad enough, maybe I should write her and cancel."

"No you won't Lex. I know, trust me I know how hard it was but you told me that Clarke gets you and that you feel safe with her. Did something happen that changed that?"

"No! No, actually she goes out for her way to make this as comfortable for me as she can."

"Then what are you so afraid of? Just go meet her tomorrow and if you feel uncomfortable you can straight go home."

"Just because she understands and kind off likes me know doesn't that mean that she will do so in the future. I'm complicated An, you and I know that."

"So you think the more she gets to know you the more it will change her mind? That's bullshit Lexa!"

"Anya you know I hate it when you swear!"

"I'm sorry kid but you are not complicated, you are a special woman with many facets and that makes you interesting. If she doesn't see that she's dumb and doesn't deserve you anyway!"

"Thanks, that is very kind of you to say."

"Don't worry so much and you're welcome kid. Do you need anything else? My break is almost over."

"No, I think I'm good."

"Alright. Try to relax and call me tomorrow when you get home. I love you."

"I love you too Anya."

And with that the call ended and Lexa tried to distract herself with the new book she bought a few days ago.

_

Clarke stands in front of her wardrobe, hands on her hips and frown on her face. She just doesn't know what to wear. Should she go for casual? It's a coffee date so it would be kinda weird to show up in a dress...right? No casual it is. She searches for her favourite jeans and her favourite hoodie. Tomorrow is not about looking hot or sexy and she likes that about her date with Lexa, it's not about appearances but about being comfortable with each other. Her roommates told her that it might be a bit weird to pick out her outfit the day before but as her morning shift lasts for about 12 hours from 4am to 4pm she doesn't quite trust her judgement to pick out something reasonable.

Clarke is really nervous and it's the first time too. Usually she is really calm and collected, it's just a date. What's the harm right? But with Lexa it seems that everything is different, she is like a delicate flower very sweet and beautiful to look at but very fragile at the same time. She just hopes that everything goes well tomorrow, she is not really prepared to let Lexa go just yet.

With the last glance at the clock on her nightstand she packs everything she needs for her shift in a backpack, says goodbye to Raven and Octavia and heads out of her apartment.

Only twelve hours to go.

**Hope you had fun with this chapter. Sorry Clarke's part is so short the inspiration kinda left me halfway. **

**Also fun fact: As in the story I didn't know that the first date with my now boyfriend was supposed to be a date. A colleague of mine told me one hour before we were supposed to meet and I didn't have enough time so I went with a Assassins Creed hoodie. **


	6. The Date

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait! Juggling your own apartment, boyfriend, dog and two jobs sometimes is really stressful but here is the new chapter :) **

Lexa has been nervous the whole day, looking out of the window over to the coffee shop again and again, trying to calm down. She has two hours left and with each passing minute her anxiety level rises but at the same time there is a calmness in her that stops her from freaking out and she is really certain who the cause for that is.

She doesn't really know why but she is not nearly as nervous as she has been for the dates she had with Costia, what is there about Clarke that makes her so different from all the others? Maybe tonight she can get an answer to that and there she is thinking about it again, so much for distracting herself. Anya offered to clock out early from work so that she could be there for her even though they recently got a new colleague that needs to be trained but Lexa declined. Her sister's job as a social worker is tiring enough as it is and Anya shouldn't always have to play the babysitter for her, she did that for too long. She feels better since she started the new therapy with Indra and it's time that Anya gets some rest, she needs the chance to love her own life.

Lexa looks at the coffee shop for another few minutes, then heads for the shower. It is almost time.

"Jesus Clarke, calm down! You're starting to make ME nervous and I'm not going on this date." Harper, her fellow paramedic, rolls her eyes. Clarke stops her fidgeting and grins at the blonde on the driver seat next to her. Her shift is almost over, she gets so see Lexa soon and she is excited as hell. Okay she barely has time to change after her shift so she has no time for makeup and hair but Lexa is not the type to pay much attention to such things and for that she is glad. It will probably be the most relaxing date she has ever had.

"Who on earth is this person that got you so excited? I hardly see you like this, especially because of a woman." Harper grins at her for a short moment then she fixes her eyes on the road again.

"Harp, she is just special you know? Different than anyone I met. She just says whats on her mind, no filter at all, she is interested in all kinds of things so talking to her is never boring and she doesn't want a relationship so it's more like hanging out."

She feels Harpers stare on her.

"Wait wait, hold up. She's not interested in a relationship but you have a date with her tonight? That doesn't add up. You sure this is a date?

Clarke frowns because well she never quite thought about it like that. She knows that Lexa has no desire for a girlfriend but still she thinks of them meeting as a date. How does the brunette feel about this? Is this a date for her as well? God she should have been clear about this, why did they never talk about it? With all her other dates things were always clear, meeting for coffee or going out to eat equals going out in a more or less romantic scene, well okay is always ended in one night stands but still Lexa thinks differently than most people.

She is not capable of reading between lines or knows about costums. Clarke remembers how she told her that her ex girlfriend was making innuendos of having feelings for her and was sad that Lexa never reciprocated till she found out that the brunette had absolutely no idea what was happening.

"Clarke is everything okay? I'm sorry if I said something wrong." Harpers hand covers her own softly and squeezes to pull her out of her thoughts.

"No, it's alright and you didnt say something wrong. You're actually right and I noticed we never talked about it, now I don't know where we stand and that kinda sucks."

"Everything is gonna work just fine you'll see."

Clarke leans her head against the window. "I really hope you're right."

Lexa chooses a seat near the door like she always does on the rare occasions when she visits a place like this. It's not meant as an escape route but it calms her that she could. She is actually pretty early but she likes to be, that way she can get a feeling or the place she is in, for example where the restrooms are, what they offer to drink and to eat and various other things. Knowing is the key for calmness, anything unknown causes anxiety. Talking to the employees is difficult enough, she doesn't need other things to occupy her further it often leads to a panic attack. Her leg bounces like crazy and her hands shake so she thinks she should probably only get some tea or water but before she can get up her eyes land on long and strong legs which are stopping right beside her. Lexa knows who this legs belong to and her heart starts beating fast and her palms are wetter than ever before.

"Hey Lexa, nice to finally meet you in person."

God that voice, it makes her feel really funny and her stomach explodes with butterflies. She looks up and sees Clarke for the first time and as cheesy as it sounds she stops breathing for a second. The eyes were really blue on her profile picture but they are even more beautiful in real life.

"Are you okay? Is it too loud or too crowded in here? Would you like to go somewhere else?"

Clarke is getting concerned, the brunette hasn't said a word and she didn't even move, she just kinda froze. Lexa blinks and nearly swoons, the blonde remembered and may even be the first person outside her family who pays so much attention to her condition. Her throat is dry so she takes a quick sip of her tea.

"Hey Clarke, no everything is good you're just very pretty and I like your legs they're really long."

The the surprise of both women the comment doesn't cause awkward silence, Clarke has to smile at the bluntness and Lexa can't help but smile herself and then lower her eyes while a bunch spreads her cheeks.

"Why thank you", Clarke smirks, "I'm going to get me some coffee I've been awake for a while now. You want some too?"

"No, I'm not supposed to drink coffee, anything with too much sugar really. You know too much sugar makes you nervous and kinda edgy? It's way worse for me and can cause a panic attack."

"Okay understandable that you avoid it. You want some tea or water then?"

"Tea would be great, anything with berries please."

"Coming right up!"

Clarke leaves the table with an extra spring and steps up to the counter. Lexa looks after her and thinks that this may be the most comfortable she felt with another person and she's excited about what's to come. This will be a great evening.

The blonde in line for some drinks can't help but grin to herself, she's not one for relationships but damn her if she let's this beauty get away from her.

**Do not worry, the other part of their date will come in the new chapter. Lexa will tell Anya about it and Clarke will have a word with Octavia and Raven.****Wish you a nice day! :) **


	7. The Aftermath

**Here is chapter 7 for you guys! Hope you like it :) **

Anya has been by Lexa's side since she can remember, well since her little sister was born. She was 5 to that time and even this young she's sworn herself that she will do anything to protect her. Lexa has always been a private person, not needing other human beings to entertain herself or for being happy. Which is fine but over time the family noticed that she had absolutely no idea how to behave around other people. That leads to more and more awkward moments and that in turn lead to Lexa to stop trying at all. So you can maybe imagine Anya's surprise when her baby sister told her about going on a date and while telling that gloating like she won a role in the new Lord of the Rings series. She was seating on hot coals till the brunette called almost seven hours after their date began.

"I swear to god she is kind of perfect, I've never met another person who I actually want to spend more time with, not less. You now like Legolas met Gimli and they kind of hate each other but then become the best of friends? I always thought people suck but then I met Clarke and she is kinda cool and perfect. Did I mention that already?"

And that is something Anya was fairly sure she would never hear something like that.

"That sound promising, was she nice to you? Or did she like say everything super slow and stress every word like Costa did?"

"She was absolutely fantastic, always a little careful about me and me being nervous about my sourindings. We talked about so many and different things, well I mostly did the talking. You know I tend to ramble in such a moment and I basically told her about my whole life, I just couldn't stop. Clarke listened and asked questions."

"So not as bored as you thought she would be?"

"No, not at all and talking to her never got boring. Most people tend to shut down when I talk about my favourite movies and all, she hates science fiction but she listened and asked questions about it."

"I'm glad you had so much fun. Does that mean you're seeing her again?"

Anya is almost scared to ask that question. Chances are that Lexa takes this as a positive thing but continues to hide in her apartment.

"Well I kissed her and in those romantic movies you made me watch they always go on a second date after a kiss right? So I asked her for a second date."

Anya feels her jaw going and her fingers going slack and the phone falls out of her grasp. Lexa, not interested in any human contact or relationships kissed another woman and that quite willingly apparent in the nonchalant tone of her sister. She faintly hears her sister calling her name and picks up her phone.

"You did what?"

"We talked about me always being careful and not just doing things, how she put it? Oh yeah doing something for the hell of it and she said I should do something now you know without thinking of the consequences."

"And you kissed her? You know I love you but don't you think it's shitty to do so without feelings for her? You know she suggested going on this date which I think means she at least fancies you to some extent."

There is a long silence on the other end of the line and Anya doesn't know what to make out of it.

"Why did you do it anyway? I thought you don't want a relationship."

Her question is followed with another few seconds of silence.

"Lexa are you okay over there? Want me to come over?"

"Actually yeah, there is something I want to talk to you about."

"I'll be right there."

"How was it?"

"Is she nice?"

"Is she pretty?"

"Are you going on another date?"

Clarke holds up her hand demanding silence. She takes off her jacket, her shoes and grabbing a beer out of the fridge on her way to the living room where she plops on the couch, opening her beer and taking a deep sip. Octavia and Raven watch her, their concern growing by the second, it usually isn't like her to be this quiet. Clarke looks at her roommates and takes a deep breath.

"It was...fantastic guys. She is very beautiful, intelligent, caring and we talked for three hours."

Raven sits on her left side, Octavia takes place by her feet and speaks up.

"But that's good right? You don't seem as excited as you should be right now."

"At the end of our date she accompanied me to my car. We talked about her being more spontaneous and them she kissed me and I kissed her back."

Raven blinks at her, not knowing what to make out of that statement. Lexa seems like a dream and she kissed her, why in the world is Clarke so down?

"She kissed you and you kissed her back? Is she a bad kisser? I don't see what the problem is."

"There was no problem, it was great."

"Then what IS the problem?"

"Afterwards she asked me if I wanted to do this again, tomorrow, same place and all."

Clarke feels the eyes of her best friends on her and she knows that right this moment they don't know what troubles her about this date. She is used to one night stands and as Lexa herself she was not really interested in a relationship even though the date was her idea but she was intrigued with the brunette and now they have their second date tomorrow, what a mess. But the thing that stresses her the most is that she can't wait for tomorrow either and that the idea of a relationship with Lexa doesn't scare her as much as it should.

"I didn't want a relationship and she neither so what good can come out of this if we continue to see each other? None of us has a good track record with dating either so I don't think it will work out that well. Also I'm working all the time and if I'm being honest I don't think I'm relationship material. I like my freedom to much."

Octavia gets up from her seat on the floor, moves to stand in front of Clarke and takes both of her hands, rubbing them softly.

"Clarkey you're scared. This is the first woman in a long time that makes you want a relationship with her and that is fucking scary, I know but don't freak out and ruin something good for you. Whether it stays a pen pal friendship or grows into something more. Take it one step at a time and most important talk to Lexa about your concerns, she is the only one who can tell you if she has problem with your workload but honestly? I don't think that is a problem at all. Lexa likes her freedom, as do you, if you think about that for a second it sounds like a match made in heaven."

The blonde studies her friend for a moment then looks to Raven who nods with a soft grin. She considers everything her friend said and realises that she is right especially because Lexa is a person you talk about everything with, she even craves it. The brunette needs to know what happens in your head.

"You're right, as always. Thanks guys for talking some sense into me. I will talk to her tomorrow."

Raven almost jumps in her lap and now her face is wearing a full blown grin.

"Now Tell. Us. Everything! She must be awesome if you have your panties in a twist."

"Alright, alright. First she starred more than she talked but after some time…."

It takes Anya only ten minutes. Now that Lexa had time to think about what she said on the phone she should have worded things differently. It sounded way more dramatic than it actually is and she is almost sure that her sister is worried about her. Lexa has barely opened the door before she is enveloped in a quick hug.

"Are you really okay? It didn't sound like it. What do you need to talk about?"

"Everything is good. I'm fine, there's just something troubling me that's all."

"Come on, let's go sit on the couch then we can talk about it."

The two sisters move to sit in the living room. Lexa stares at her hands, thinking about how she wants to say what bothers her.

"The date was fantastic, I've never felt so comfortable with someone I just met and at the end I kissed her, what I really really liked. I kissed her because I wanted to, not because I wanted to do something for the hell of it. I thought about how good it actually was and then I asked her if we could meet again. Tomorrow. She said yes, but on one hand Clarke told me herself that she doesn't do relationships but on the other had she suggested the date. What are we doing right now? Are we friends? Are we dating? Is she my girlfriend? I have absolutely no idea, which makes it impossible for me to relax I hate undefined things."

Anya is stunned, that's quite a lot that is bothering her baby sister especially because it's the first time that Lexa developed feelings for someone, real feelings not just gratitude that she felt for Costia and she has to admit that there is not much she can tell her to comfort her.

"I know you are scared, you feel things you never felt before. You can stop talking to Clarke and go back to how things were or you go slow and most important you talk to her. You need to be honest, she needs to understand and then you go from there."

"I'm always honest you know that. I planed on telling her tomorrow."

"Good plan! How are you holding up?"

"Surprisingly calm, Clarke is an understanding person, I think she understands about everything."

"I'm actually very glad you met her, she is good for you. Now that we have that heavy stuff out of the way, tell me everything!"

A grin spreads across Lexas face as she recounts the evening and Anya can help but smile as well.


	8. Second Date

**Hey guys! I know it took me awhile to write this chapter. Life has been hectic but one thing I wanted to say is that this story will be finished, I just don't know how long it will take so bear with me. Thanks guys you are amazing!**

The next day and Lexa is right there, the same seat as yesterday and she is feels ready this time. Well okay she feels better than the first time she was here but know she knows the outline of the coffee shop, the toilets and already met someone of the staff. Her tea stands in front of her, right next to a cup of coffee and a some baked goods she got for Clarke. Lexa sorts through everything she wants to tell the blonde when she gets here, the date was great, she likes to have a second one and go from there. She talked to Anya the evening before, told her all the things that swirled in her head and her sister helped her in aligning the right things.

This time when legs appear in her vision she is prepared and can't help but smile at Clarke, who is standing in front of her and smiling right back.

"Hey there, did you wait for long?"

Lexa just shakes her head, a blush coating her cheeks.

"Good, I was worried. Sorry I'm late there was a accident that we had to take care off."

"No problem, you're saving lives that's pretty important. I erm I got you coffee and something to eat, I figured you might be hungry."

Without thinking about it Clarke presses a kiss on Lexa's hair and sits down next to her but the brunette stiffens at first not really used to being touched without warning and finds that she really doesn't mind.

"You are an angel, thank you very much Lex."

And soon they are talking about anything and nothing just like yesterday, the more they talk they more they notice that there is hardly anything they have in common but here comes the thing they are not bothered by that, it makes they're conversations interesting. Despite them having such a lovely talk they both knew they needed to talk about what's happening between them and ironically they both were afraid of each others reaction. Clarke is the first one to take a deep breath and just goes for it.

"Lexa, listen I need to talk to you about something. It's about the last few weeks. I know you are not interested in a relationship, I thought so too but over the time you changed that. I really like you and I'm not scared when I think of a relationship with you. That doesn't mean that we have to date straight away but I would like to know you better and as more as a friend. It's alright if you don't want the same, we agreed on something different when we started this whole thing, I just wanted to be honest with you."

Clarke finishes her small speech and stares at Lexa trying to read her facial expression. The brunette is speechless, she expected something way different than what her friend just told her. She expected rejection, Clarke letting her down easy because she thinks Lexa is just too weird or complicated for her and if she is honest it kind off broke her heart a little bit but as it turns out the beautiful blonde actually feels the same. And sometimes she thinks life can be so easy if you're just honest with each other.

Now the hard part begins, Lexa has to risk the fall again as she did with Costia and she has to trust Clarke to catch her if needed. Like a free fall, she takes together all her courage and steps over the edge.

"That's well, I wanted to talk to you too. I know I'm bad at this but just bear with me okay?"

Clarke nods, the signal for Lexa to go on and take all the time she needs. She's not worried over the lack of answer, she knows the brunettes mind works differently.

"Okay so I talked to my sister yesterday, because I don't know what we're doing here. I looked it up at website for relationship advice. There I found an article about dates and we'll according to that site we're dating, like we had a date and we kissed which we both liked. You liked it right?"

Clarke can only nod, too amused with Lexa right now.

"So good, you liked it too and we now have our second date. I'm surprised because the thought of dating you doesn't scare me, well not much anyway so I think I want to give it a try but you have to guide me because I have no idea how any of this works."

Looking at her handwritten notes Lexa is pleased to see that she covered any point that she wanted to talk about. Was that too clinical?

Clarke on the other hand can't stop grinning. The woman is simply too adorable for her own good. She's glad that she had the guts to talk to Lexa because sometimes things can be simple. She bends over the table to take the brunettes hand in her own.

"I'm glad that we are on the same page. I would love to see how this can develop so I let's do it slow? Just see how it goes? We can talk about, how would you say? Any further development when we see fit"

A smile begins to firm on Lexas face, more radiant than anything Clarke has seen in her young life.

"I would like that very much. Thank you."

Clarke answers with a smile of her own.

"Would you like another tea or maybe some hot chocolate? We could stay and you know maybe talk some more?"

Lexa just grins and nods. It looks like this could be truly the start of something wonderful.


	9. Baby Steps

**As a thank you for all the lovely comments and kind words another update today :) **

Life can be so simple sometimes, like the talk they had in that coffee shop that day but unfortunately it never stays that way. Things have been hectic for both of them so their next meeting was one week later in Lexas apartment, to make things easier for the brunette.Going out still wasn't something that she liked so the decision was easy.

Clarke had a rough couple of days, many accidents one harder than the other so she her mood wasn't particularly good and she longed for a few relaxing hours with her...girlfriend? They still had to talk about that part but as promised the blonde tried to take it easy.

She finds herself on Lexas couch with ordered pizza and beer for her and a coke for the brunette.

Lexa was nervous the whole day, but she wanted to show Clarke that she could do this. It took her a couple of minutes talking herself into it but she managed to get some beer for the other woman. All she had in her fridge was coke and well chocolate milk….so not really suitable for a date. Afterwards while she was cleaning her place she looked around, her eyes stopping at the most precious things she owned lined up in a shelve. There were a few lightsabers, the helmet of Darth Vader, her letter from hogwarts including the books list and some sweets - all a gift from Anya - books and magazines on true crime, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and so on. Her eyes glide to the various movie posters on the walls, god this place really looks like a child lives here. Should she maybe hide something? Make it look more adult? No, she is tired of hiding the things that make her Lexa, Clarke will have to have to deal with it.

Next step, pick an outfit for tonight. It needs to be something presentable. She wished she would feel comfortable in jeans but she can't stand the fabric, its itchy. At home she almost always wears her sweatpants but as Anya once told her it's usually frowned upon in public. One shopping trip later and her sister introduced her to the wonder of leggins. Soft and comfortable but still good for the public eye.

She picks her favourite kind, soft socks with christmas pattern on it - she loves Christmas, it makes her happy. A quick look through her t shirts and hoodies, all of them with either a Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter theme. Okay well...dang even those are not very adult but okay, she picks her favourite hoodie. There is the sign of Assassin's Creed printed on it, but it could be mistaken for something else so there.

At first Lexa thought about cooking something for Clarke but she remembers the last incident. She mixed up some spices as she tried to cook some spaghetti with tomato sauce...she had to throw her meal away and her stomach hurt for three days so the idea is quickly dismissed and she decides on ordering pizza. There's nothing that could go wrong with pizza.

Clarke stares at the door of Lexa's apartment for a couple of minutes now. She knows it's just a casual evening but still she cant help and be nervous. Okay girl, get yourself together. Just ring the bell, she is probably as nervous as you are.

Clarke could already feel her tension melt away as the door to the apartment opened, Lexa in the doorframe looking sinful good in leggins and a hoodie. The blonde would never admit it to anyone but she looked up a few things Lexa mentioned on the internet. First of all to have a clue about the brunette was talking about and well to impress her. The knows the symbol on the black hoodie but needs a moment to remember it.

"Hey you, thanks for the invite. I missed you."

A blush coats Lexa's cheeks as she opens the door to let her guest in.

"I missed you too. Please come in."

There they are, standing awkwardly next to the closed door, neither of them knows how they should greet each other probably. Clarke is the first one to move and pulls Lexa in a hug, slowly and carefully so the girl has some time to know what's coming and to prepare herself for it. The brunette tenses at first, like she did in the coffee shop but feels her body relaxing quickly. As they part Clarke takes a moment to take in the apartment, it's as cute as she expected it and then some. Everywhere a posters and cute little nick nacks, a shit ton of books and it's so Lexa. She feels at home immediately.

"I like your place, it's very you. So cute and cosy."

Lexa still doesn't know how to react to compliments, so she just settles for a smile and guides Clarke to the couch in the living room.

"I thought we could order pizza, I'm not really good with cooking well anything so."

"That sounds lovely. There's nothing better than a relaxing evening with a gorgeous woman and pizza."

That earns Clarke a quick kiss to the cheek. Bevor she can react Lexa already vanished from the living room only to return a few moments later with a cold beer in her hand.

"Here I bought this for you. Thought it would help you relax some more."

"God can you get any more perfect than this?"

Clarke takes the bottle out of the brunettes hands, puts it on the table and pulls her beside her.

"Thanks for that, you really are perfect. I'm going to kiss you now okay? Is that okay?"

Lexa's heart stops for a second before pounding in her chest. She closes her eyes, hoping Clarke takes it as the go signal.

Their lips meet, Clarke really tried to make it brief but damn the brunettes lips are so soft so she grabs Lexa's neck and starts kissing her harder. It's one of the best kisses that Clarke shared with someone in her young life but it's shattered when she feels two hands pushing her away. She needs a few moments to compose herself, as she does she wants to ask Lexa what happened but is met with the sight of the brunette rocking back and forth, her arms slung around her knees that are drawn to her chest. Okay something went wrong,really wrong. Clarke knows that this is what a overstimulation looks like but she is at loss at what to do. They never talked about what Lexa would need in this situation but she knows better than to touch her. She read online that often makes things even worse.

Clarke has an idea, it's risky and she is unsure whether it will work or not but it's worth a try. In her research of all things that Lexa likes she stumbled upon the soundtrack of one of the girls all time favorite movies, Lord of the Rings. She spent a few hours of listening to the soundtracks as they're surprisingly good. There is this song, right at the beginning of the first movie "Concerning Hobbits" and she starts to hum the melody, hoping to pull Lexa out of her head.

It takes a few repeats of the song but then Lexa's body starts to relax till she's curled up on the couch. An overstimulation always makes her tired and she longs for a short nap. She knows Clarke probably blames herself and she wants to reassure the blonde that everything is alright, it was just too much at once but she needs a few moments to calm herself. When she's ready Lexa sits up, she considers taking Clarke's hand but the woman has been silent the last minutes and has put as much space between them as the couch allows.

"I know you probably think I'm a freak and I get it you know. It's okay if you want to leave now, I wouldn't hold it against you."

Of all the things Clarke thought that Lexa would say this definitely wasn't on her mind. She knows that she should have been more careful, that she did too much too quickly without giving the brunette time to adjust. The fault is on her and even now Lexa blames herself.

"Oh honey no, it was my fault. I should have stopped but I didn't and it was too much. I'm really sorry."

Lexa looks at Clarke as though she's grown a second head. This woman really is something else and a warm feeling spreads through her body but there is still a part of her that is weary. Costia was understanding too at the beginning but over time she got annoyed with the slow pace of their relationship.

"Clarke, I know that it's hard being with someone like me, you don't have to sugarcoat it."

"Listen to me and listen to me good. Yeah sure it may be difficult at times but for me it's more important how you make me feel and you make me really happy. I want to explore this relationship between us and I don't give a damn about slow we do this okay? Now how about I make you some hot chocolate and you show me the first movie of Lord of the Rings?"

And just like that things were okay. They both know everything's fresh but if they trust each other and more importantly talk to each other, things could really be okay.

Lexa shows her beautiful smile and even touches Clarke's hand for a second.

"That would be lovely thank you. And you know we could maybe work on the whole touching thing. I just need to get used to it, so you know.."

"Lexa Woods, I like the way you think."

With that Clarke gets up and Lexa follows her into the kitchen for a round of hot chocolate.


	10. Things I Learned About Lexa

**Hey my friends! Guys I'm on a roll, here is a new chapter for you :) **

One thing Clarke internalised during her training is when she learned something new to write that shit down. So she made a list with things she learned about Lexa which give her a kind of security and during the last weeks after their first kiss the list started growing rapidly.

1\. Lexa is probably one of smartest people she met - because she rather stays inside she has a lot of time to read and she likes learning new things

2\. Lexa is not fond of being touched, especially when she just met someone - with time she gets used to it and likes it even

3\. Do not ever touch something of her stuff without asking first! (Which honestly is pretty hard because Raven and Octavia probably even wore some of her underwear at some point, they just share everything)

4\. Lexa hates loud noises and music but only and ironically only when it's from someone else (There has been a time where Lexa started blasting a song from Iron Maiden without even flinching but got angry when she did the same a few days later)

5\. Do not under any circumstances use sarcasm - Lexa takes everything you say literal (there was the lightsaber incident where she combared her precious possession to a flashlight and afterwards they had their first fight)

6\. Lexa lives and breathes chocolate in every form she could get her hands on and it always makes her happy

7\. She really is the worst cook there ever was (one time they wanted to make popcorn and Lexa almost burned the microwave down)

8\. Lexa has her routines that are not do be disturbed - it makes her anxious and can result in what she calls a "panic attack"

9\. She also has a certain place for everything and gets really cranky if something is moved

10\. She always goes to the same supermarket

11\. There is absolutely no article of clothing thats free from any geek motive (and as she discovered recently Lexa is also a huge fan of Frozen, she even owns socks with Elsa and Olaf on them)

12\. Lexa hates meeting new people - they never understand her and most people think she is well strange

Things have not always been easy, they had a lot of misunderstandings but most of them were quickly solved. They still talked a lot which really helped in getting to know each other better and better. Even though Clarke has a lot that she needs to pay attention to she never has been happier. Looking at the last point on her list again her mind wanders to a conversation they had yesterday while watching a movie cuddling on the couch the brunettes apartment.

"Clarke I think I want to talk to you about something."

That sentence usually frightened her in other relationships, it never meant something good.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Weve been dating for some time now, we had a few dates and I think it's working really well, so I think you should be my girlfriend."

That right there is what Clarke likes about Lexa the most. She always says what she thinks, she doesn't sugarcoat it and even the clinical way she was just asked to be her girlfriend just makes her feel warm all over.

"I'd love to be your girlfriend Lex and I'm really proud of you champ! Taking such an important step in our relationship."

Clarke can practically see how Lexas chest puff out at those words, her girl just likes being praised.

"Good and well I know we always spent time at my apartment which I dont think is very fair to you, so I talked to Anya yesterday and I think I'm ready to spent an evening at yours."

Clarke knows she sounds ridiculous but she is so damn proud of her baby and kisses her to show her just how proud she is. Mentally she adds another point to her list.

13\. Lexa always has this dreamy look when we kiss

"I'm really proud of you. Tell me when you want to come over so I can tell Octavia and Raven to spent an evening away from the apartment."

"Well I thought that they could you know stay? You're always so tolerant about all the things I need so I thought I would do something for you for a change and your friends sound pretty nice, so I want to meet them. Meet the people that are important to you."

Clarke is absolutely at loss for words, Lexa pulls all register tonight.

"That would be really great. You know what, you could bring your sister. I could meet her and you had like a anchor for the evening."

"Sure I'll ask her, but I don't need her anymore. You're like my new anchor, I feel safe with you. You would never let anyone hurt me. I won't lie, I'm really nervous but I want to do make you happy, so I want to try"

Even she doesn't know it Lexa is one of the most romantic people and tries everything to make her happy even when that scares her

"We could make it a dinner party. Getting to know each other, having fun maybe play a couple of board games, I know how much you love those."

"That sounds really good. How about Friday? You have an early shift right?"

"Yeah Friday sounds good, I tell O and Raven when I get home."

With that Clarke cuddles up to Lexa, feeling like she is floating and Lexa? Lexa has a new favourite thing in the world. It's the way the blondes hair tickles her neck when she is close like that.

After Clarke is gone Lexa calls Anya telling her about their plans for Friday and hears nothing but silence on the other side of the line when she is finished.

"Anya, are you still there? Did you drop your phone again?"

More silence and just as she is about to hang up her sister finally answers her.

"We're doing what now?

"I want to come with me on Friday to meet Clarke and her friends."

"Lexa did she force you to take drugs? Or I don't know alcohol? Are you really feeling okay right now?"

"Yeah I feel fine, I'm drinking hot chocolate."

"It's just..I'm surprised. I took you awhile to introduce me to Costia and that was because she said she'd break up with you if you don't."

"Clarke is special. She looks after me all the time and I don't know I want to do something nice for her. That's what you do for your girlfriends right?"

"Wait hang on. She asked you to be her girlfriend? Please tell me she didn't just because off Friday."

"I asked her actually."

There was the silence again.

"What on earth is happening right now?"

"What I thought you would do something like that when you like the person you're dating and when it's going well. You told me that."

"Yeah, that's what people do but I never thought that you would be the one to pop the question so to speak."

"Well I like her and I kind of like the thought of she being mine so I asked her and she said yes."

"You know Lexa I'm really happy that you found her. She changes you but in a good way."

"She makes me really happy."

"Yeah kid, I know. Anyway I'm coming with you on Friday, I'm not passing up the chance to meet this girl."

"Thanks I let her know and uhm how was your day? Was it okay?"

Lexa stayed on the phone with her sister for another hour before finally going to bed. The emotions from that day draining her and making her tired.

Clarke greets the sight of her two roommates laying on the couch watching some show and passing a bag of chips back and forth. Raven is the first to hear the arrival and shoots her a grin.

"How was the evening with Lexa?"

It only takes a few steps before the blonde is standing in front of the couch and with a smirk plops down on her friends.

"Good god Griff, you're heavy get off."

Clarke barely dodges Octavia's hand as she tries to shove her off the couch.

"You mean how was the evening with my girlfriend?"

She can't help it she is too happy and too excited to keep it to herself any longer. The statement brings her warm smiles from Raven and Octavia.

"Good for you. Finally brave enough to ask her huh?"

"Actually O she was the one to ask me."

"Clarke, me and O are really happy for you. Sounds like you made quite the catch there."

"Thanks guys, that actually means a lot."

Finally pulling herself in an upright position and off of her roommates Clarke snuggles on the couch herself.

"Listen, what are you to doing on Friday? Lexa proposed a dinner for all of us, she would come here with her sister Anya."

"I think I'm free, I get off about five so that should be enough time right? What about you O? You there for the big evening?"

"As I would miss it."

"Great. I'll tell her tomorrow."

She stays with her roommates for a bit till her eyes start to drop on her own. As Clarke is ready for bed and slips under the covers she can't help but think about Lexa and falls asleep with a smile on her face.


	11. Friday Night

**Hey guys, I'm back. Thank you all who are still with me and this fanfic. Also a huge thanks goes out to TheAlmightyBecks who pointed out the code at the first upload :)**

Lexa is pacing and has been for the last hour. It's Friday night and she agreed on meeting Clarke's friend tonight. Sure it was her idea but that doesn't mean she's not nervous because she is pretty sure that getting along with Octavia and Raven means the world to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend. She's still getting used to that, never in a million years did she expect on finding someone that is handling her condition as well as Clarke does.

Okay now back to business. Lexa has a system for things like that and planed a schedule for the day to calm her down and at the same time to assure that she gets ready on time. She planed a little gaming time for herself till three, kind of a reward for venturing out of her comfort zone – and advice of Indra's actually. It gives her a good feeling that assures a good start for the day and for the things she has planed. Afterwards she has half a hour to clean her apartment which would seem silly for most people. Why clean it when you spent our time elsewhere? The answer is pretty simple, it's not about the cleaning itself more about checking everything before she has to leave. Are the windows closed and locked? The heating not too high? Every unnecessary plug pulled out? The stove not running? Getting everything clean at the same time is a nice plus.

Lexa tends to be really forgetful at times, for example leaving the stove on multiple times, and she even puts her hand on the hot plate and burning herself in the process.

After cleaning and checking she has half a hour for a shower and another half a hour for picking her outfit and dressing. Anya helped her in choosing something for the special occasion. Now she is clean and dressed she has 15 minutes to spare. What to do? Another check around her apartment – she checks the stove three times because she forgot to turn it off three times last week – and there is a knock on the door.

"Kid open up! I had three cans of energy drinks on my way here and if you don't open that door right now it won't be pretty!"

How lovely. Lexa doesn't even have time to open the door all the way when Anya shoves past her and sprints to the bathroom. At least she has the decency to close the door behind her. It takes a few minutes till her sister returns and plops down beside her on the couch. Lexa can't but help to ask:

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah just a rough night shift at the centre. A few boys started a fight and it took us some time to break it off. How about you? Nervous?"

"Well yeah but you'll be there and Clarke too and I think it's gonna be alright."

"You astound me kid, you're handling this pretty well, I expected a meltdown and you refusing to go."

"I'm really nervous, I'm not good with people especially meeting them but it's not as scary as I thought. Clarke talked to me beforehand and made a schedule for the evening so I know what to expect."

"Do her friends know about you?"

"Yeah Clarke told them right at the beginning. They can be pretty wild I guess and she wanted them to tone it down for tonight so I can get used to it bit by bit."

"That's … pretty nice of her. She seems pretty cool with all of this and really tries to make it as easy as possible huh?"

A small blush appears on Lexa's cheeks and a smile forms on her lips.

"She really does but she doesn't make it too easy you know? She always encourages me to come out of my comfort zones .. at least a little bit but she never pushes too much and is always there for me when I need help."

"Sounds like a really supportive girlfriend you got yourself there. Exactly what you need and deserve, she's good in my book."

"Be careful Anya as it might sound like that you actually like her and you don't like anyone."

That right there stops Anya and leaves her completely dumbfounded.

"Lex … did you really use sarcasm right now?"

Lexa can't help but puffing out her chest, proud of the shocked look her sister gives her. That means she got it right.

"Yeah Clarke taught me, that was pretty good right?"

"That was some badass sarcasm kid! That woman just keeps growing on me."

"Thanks. Clarke will be proud I think. It took a long time till I could distinguish the varying pitches and tones of her voice."

"Just what exactly are you doing when you're together?"

"That's none of your business."

"I don't even know what to say … Should we head out? What does the plan say?"

A quick look at her phone and the brunette jumps out of her seat and rushes to grab her jacket.

"We're one minute behind schedule, let's go!"

* * *

At the other side of town Clarke frantically checks every part of the apartment. God she hopes everything is ready and sends a quick prayer that she didn't forget something important. Her roommates were supposed to help her but are now banned to the living room after an unsuccessful attempt to steal some dessert from the fridge.

Clarke spent the better part of the day cleaning their apartment, occasionaly barking at her amused friends to help her just to get sly smirks and two missing spoon full of cake for an answer.

Cleaning their apartment took longer than expected because good god they are slobs! When was the last time they cleaned? Probably the day they moved in.

Now that everything is done it's time to take a shower and to make herself presentable. After the original joy of having Lexa over it dawns on her that she gets to meet her girlfriend's sister Anya who is like mama bear protective and probably won't hesitate to kick her ass if she ever dares to hurt Lexa. She is the most important person in the brunettes life so this is like a make it or break it situation. Neither does Clarke know that she already passed almost all of Anya's tests.

Getting out of the shower fresh and clean she quickly dries herself off, puts on some light make up and puts on the outfit she may or may not bought just for this evening. A quick check of the kitchen and dinning table, cutlery out – check, food being kept warm on the stove – check, wine beer and dessert cooling in the fridge – double check. Alright now she just needs to wait for her guests, time to remind the "children" to be on their best behaviour tonight, she wants Lexa to feel as comfortable as possible.

Clarke finds them on the couch and from the looks of it they're having a pretty intense match of some game on one of Raven's gaming systems. She tries to get their attention multiple times till she has to do the most dirty trick … standing in front of the TV. For a second she considers pulling the plug but she decides against it. She made that mistake on time and well it lead to ugly words being said and them not talking to each other for two days.

"Okay kids listen up."

Octavia is the first to make her anger known.

"God damnit Griffin! Move your fat ass out of the way!"

"Don't make me pull the plug!"

Raves gasps and almost drops her controller in her haste of raising her hands in surrender.

"Clarke don't do anything we will both regret. I lost three hours of gaming time on that day and I will never get them back!"

"Then give me two minutes of your precious time and I'm gonna let you do your thing in peace until they are here."

Octavia pauses the game and signals the blonde to carry on.

"I just wanted to remind you to tone it down tonight okay? You know Lexa gets overwhelmed pretty easily and I would really like er to come back."

That earns her an almost perfectly synchronized eye roll of her best friends.

"That being said that the rules for tonight..."

Raves stands up and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Babe I know you're nervous, this is your first relationship since god knows when and you're meeting the sister but I promise you everything will be fine."

Octavia joins them with a rare soft smile in her lips.

"Raven and I researched a few tips and pointers and made a game plan for today. We'll keep our distance and pay attention to talking not too loud or too fast..."

"...we will keep the jokes to a minimum so Lexa doesn't feel left out..."

"...there won't be any pranks or embarrassing questions..."

"...softly and quietly addressing her..."

"...first letting her get a feeling for this place to make her more comfortable..."

"...but not babying her too much."

This is why Clarke loves her friends so much and she can't help but but to pull them in a tight hug with a watery "Thanks guys I love you so much."

The group hug is interrupted by the doorbell. Clarke steps back, tugging her clothes in place and ruffles her hair.

"Do I look good?"

"You look smokin' but try to relax a little okay?"

"O's right, your smile looks like you're here to kill Batman."

Okay, keep it cool. You can do this. With that thought Clarke goes to open the door and all worries melt away when she sees her girlfriend in front of her. Right beside her stands a tall blonde woman equally as beautiful as her sister.

"Hey guys. I'm glad you could make it and you must be Anya, nice to meet you."

Anya is impressed by the outstretched hand waiting to shake hers. Manners … another point for Clarke. She grabs it with a smile.

"Nice to meet you too, my sister doesn't stop talking about you."

Clarke smiles back and turns her attention to Lexa and notices the ear buds. Slowly she raises her hand and pulls one out.

"Hey beautiful. Too much noise on your way here?"

Lexa nods quietly not quite meeting the blondes eyes.

"I'm going to hug you now okay? Tab my shoulder if it gets too much."

Clarke moves slowly giving her time to pull away but the brunette does the opposite and falls in er arms with a quiet whine. Lexa wraps her arms around her shoulders and kisses the skin of her neck. Anya steps past them to give them some privacy.

"It's okay now Lex. You're here. Take your time and then we will greet the others when you're ready alright?"

A weak nod is answer enough.

Meanwhile Anya steps into the apartment knowing Lexa is in good hands.

"Clarke should I take the pots from the stove or...?"

The rest of Raven's sentence is cut off when she sees the blonde standing in their home and by god if that's not the most perfect woman she has ever seen. Anya doesn't know whtat to make off the brunette starring at her so she just raises her hand to a wave.

"Uhm hi. I'm Anya, Lexa's sister and you are?"

"Pretty, you're really pretty."

"I'm sorry what?"

Octavia shoots out of the living room, ready to rescue her friend.

"Hey. I'm Octavia and that blabbering fool is Raven."

"Well nice to meet you I guess. You must be the roommates."

A quick shake of hands then Octavia nods her head in the direction of the kitchen.

"Food is ready, where are the love birds?"

"They need a minute. They'll be right here."

"Okay then Anya take a seat. What do you wanna drink? We have beer, wine and water."

"I'll have a beer thanks."

Anya moves to take a seat but finds Raven still unmoving and blinking owlishly at her.

"Raven, you coming?"

The direct approach seems to snap the brunette out of it and she is quick to follow the blonde.

Outside the apartment Clarke and Lexa are still joined in a tight hug but the trembling of Lexa's body gradually lessens. Clarke rubs soothing circles on her girlfriends back and tries to keep her her voice as low as possible.

"You're okay baby, it's over now. Just focus on my voice."

It takes a few more minutes to calm down but eventually Lexa is able to relax and pulls the second ear bud out.

"You doing good now baby?"

Clarke tugs stray hairs behind her ear and strokes her cheek.

"I'm good thank you … babe?"

It comes out as more as a question than an actual term of endearment but it earns her a soft kiss nonetheless.

"You ready to go in or do you need a moment?"

"No, no. I'm ready."

Clarke couldn't be more proud of her girlfriend. She takes her hand, intertwines their fingers and pulls her into the apartment before closing the door behind them.

"Tour or food first?"

The sheepish smile Lexa gives her warms her heart like nothing else.

"Food first if you don't mind, I'm kinda hungry now."

Of course the blonde thinks to herself. After situations like this with a high amount of input Lexa usually feels drained and hungry. It's important to recharge the batteries either with food or a nap.

"Come on then big girl, time to feet you."

Going into the dining room the lovebirds are greeted with Octavia and Anya hatting about their workplaces and Raven … kinda looks like she's hung up on drugs, looking at Lexa's sister like she is another species. Clarke steps forward and cleans her throat.

"O, Raven. This is Lexa."

Anya almost does not believe her eyes as her little sister actually looks at them and gives a short wave.

"It's nice to meet you. Clarke has told me a lot about you."

To the surprise of everyone Raven is the first to raise and approach her but stops a good distance away.

"Hey Lexa. We were really excited to meet you. My name is Raven and that girl over there is Octavia. We got you chocolate milk for today. It's your favourite right?"

Clarke and Octavia are stunned. Never have they ever heard Raven talk with such a quiet voice and it takes them a few moments to recover. Octavia too stands up to greet their guest.

"As the doofus said I'm Octavia, nice to meet you. Please have a seat, it's all prepared and ready to go."

* * *

The rest of the evening is spent eating and chatting. Laughter is heard trough the apartment as Clarke recounts the most funniest things that ever happened during her shifts. Anya takes a liking to the blondes friends but is still nut sure if she likes Raven or is annoyed with her staring.

Lexa and her sister stay long after the last piece of cake is eaten but all good things come to an end and so at ten it's time for them to go home, Anya has the early shift the next day as well as Clarke. The sisters offer to help with the dishes but their offer is declined by Raven and Octavia who want to make up for the blonde doing all the work so they put themselves on cleaning duty.

But late at night as the lovebirds are in their beds they still can't stop smiling as the evening went better than any of them expected and they can't wait for the next time they'll be seeing each other again.


	12. Intimate Relations

**Surprise! Another update as a sorry for being away for so long. **

**And now the moment we all have been waiting for...enjoy :)**

Life has been good the last few months. Ever since the dinner a few weeks ago the relationship between Clarke and Lexa has flourished even more. The spent almost every possible moment together, sometimes at Lexa's the other times at Clarke's apartment but the coffee shop became a regular meeting point too. With her girlfriends help the brunette steps out of her comfort zone more and more and feels better every time they do something out of her usual safe haven. Lexa has even spent more time with Octavia and Raven often inviting Anya to tag along.

Indra is ecstatic about the progress her patient has made, well as ecstatic as she can get but there have been a few rare smiles in their therapy sessions.

So all in all life has been pretty good but there is one thing that Clarke can't get out of her head no matter how many times she tries to get rid of it. Her girlfriend is the most sweet and caring woman anyone could ask for but she's also … hot and that's the problem. Clarke absolutely adores the evenings when the cuddle on the couch watching every Disney, Marvel or Star Wars movie known to mankind, she loves the walks trough the park with their hands clasp tight together and there is nothing better then their endless talks in their café after a tiring shift but Clarke is only human after all with a very nice to look at girlfriend by her side.

Which wouldn't be a problem at all but with Lexa's condition it's not as easy as it seems. People with autism have a really bad problem with processing sensory impulses and because of that for most of them sex is not an really fulfilling experience as the sensations are too much and sometimes even too painful to handle but that does not mean that no person with autism dislikes sex. It's like a fifty fifty situation some don't like it but are willing to try for their partner and for others it's one of the most sensual moments they an experience.

So okay that basically means that she would only need to talk to Lexa about it but it's not a topic that you discuss over a cup of coffee especially with a girlfriend that has no filter at all and would probably talk about her favourite positions like an article on the newspaper she read that morning. Clarke tried to bring it up a few times but honestly she always chickened out. Don't get her wrong sex in a relationship is not a deal breaker for her, she can live without sex pretty fine but it's the connection with the partner that she starts to crave. The moment when your naked skin touches for the first time and during when you get the feeling that your bodies feels like they join and never part.

Clarke already considered asking Anya about it but just no, that's a line you should never cross with the sister of your girlfriend so there is only one option left and that is a really bad idea … an advice from her best friends.

That brings her to the living room at a Thursday afternoon, nervously hovering near the living room where the latest reality TV is running.

"Guys could I talk to you for a minute?"

From the tone of her voice Octavia and Raven know that Clarke has some trouble that she needs to get of her chest, they move to the side so the blonde has some space between them.

"Tell aunty Raven what's bothering you."

Octavia starts stroking her hair in which she hopes is soothing for the blonde cuddled up to the mechanic.

"Is there something wrong with Lexa? You guys having trouble?"

Clarke sighs loudly, there's no backing out now.

"No she is as lovely as always and that's kind of the problem."

Her roommates share a worried look over the Clarke's head. They both got to spent some time with Lexa over the last few weeks and they really liked her. She's absolutely devoted to their friend and they couldn't wish for someone better to make her happy. Sure it's no walk in the park there are times in which both Clarke and Lexa can be really stubborn and difficult but they always talk about it, try to see the others perspective and they work it out in the end. Octavia and Raven share a silent nod agreeing on letting O handle this conversation as she is more sensitive in situations like this.

"Clarke I'm not sure I get what the problem is. I mean yeah it's not all sunshine and rainbows all the time but I thought you guys were happy?"

"We are happy, that's not the problem at all. I'm … I … got I so hate to say this but I'm horny and I don't know if Lexa feels the same way or even likes …. you know … sex and I'm afraid to ask her. She could get angry or sad and … I don't want to hurt her. I just don't know what to do."

Raven really really tried to keep her laughter in but after that little rant it just breaks free and Octavia joins in.

"Oh Clarke is that the reason you spent so much time in the shower lately? Me and O are pretty pissed about the whole hot water being gone after your bath time."

"Yeah Clarke I mean couldn't you rub one out in your room, come on!"

That earns both of them a slap on the forearm and a pout on Clarke's lips.

"Guys that's not funny! I don't know what to do okay? And I thought coming to you for advice was a good idea but all you do is laughing at me."

The blonde tries to get up but is quickly pulled back by her friends.

"Clarke wait, we're sorry okay. Sit down and we're talking about it."

"Yeah don't mind O you know how insensitive she is."

Octavia glares at Raven and has half a mind to slap her too.

"Fuck off Raven! Now Clarke I know that this can be hard but I don't know why you're so worried about it."

"What do you mean? How I can I not be worried?"

"What O tries to say is that we're almost a hundred percent sure that Sexy Lexy feels the same about you."

Clarke sits up and looks at the two brunettes with wide eyes.

"Why? How do you know? Did she say something?"

While Octavia lays a hand on her shoulder Raven can't help but snicker.

"No babe but we see the way she looks at you while she thinks no one is looking. She can't take your eyes off your ass."

Clarke slumps back while a slight blush coats her cheeks.

"Oh that's good then."

"Just talk to her Clarke, I'm sure everything will be fine."

* * *

Two days later and Clarke and Lexa spend another movie night at the brunettes place. They ordered some take out and are now cuddled closely together while there's a romantic comedy playing on the TV. Lexa grumbles quietly while snuggling further against her girlfriend.

"I don't even know how you convinced my to watch something like that it doesn't make sense at all. I'm socially inept and even I know that's not how relationship works."

Clarke laughs quietly into the brunettes hair. Lately Lexa has been picking up autism jokes and she gets quite the hang of it.

"You wanted to try something new and that was the first one to pop up on Netflix, so it's your own fault."

"I know why I'm sticking to the classics … they're classics for a reason."

Lexa looks at the blonde and her breath almost stops by the sultry smile on her girlfriends lips.

"Wanna make out instead?"

That is another thing that developed during the last few weeks and another reason for Clarke's long showers in the morning. Lexa is a very good kisser and has been working up the courage to kiss the blonde for far longer than just a few pecks.

The brunette gets lost in the sweet kiss they share and on a particular loud exhale of Clarke's her heart starts to beat wildly in her chest. She really really likes this make out sessions they have and it leaves her painfully aroused every time. Lexa knows that Clarke feels the same way, she can feel it when Clarke slides her fingers in her hair and pulls her impossibly closer, how her breath gets uneven and from time to time the blonde moans quietly without really realising it.

The problem is not that she doesn't like sex, she just never had sex before and for that she feels ashamed. There were some things that she did with Costia but it felt never right to progress over that point and that is one of the reasons her ex girlfriend eventually left. But contrary to popular believe Lexa is no stranger to self love quite the opposite actually. The thing is she doesn't know how to bring the topic up. There was one time when she used the bathroom and Clarke burst in just to keep talking to her which resulted in an almost breakdown because she does not feel comfortable with sharing such intimate things with anyone. The blonde understood and explained that with Raven and Octavia there aren't really any boundaries.

Lexa absolutely detests talking about things regarding her body functions but she fears that there is no choice because at the rate there are currently grinding on each other she is not really far away from having an embarrassing moment against Clarke's thigh. So she takes all the courage that she has and puts a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder and pushes her away.

"Clarke wait a second alright, let's slow down."

Clarke really enjoyed herself up till the moment Lexa pushes her off then the panic sets in. God what did she do? Practically dry humping her on the couch likely without her consent.

"Lex my God I'm so sorry I just couldn't help myself. Please don't be mad alright, I'll never do it again."

"Wait no Clarke it's alright I just think that we should talk about it before we continue."

"Wait …. what?"

Lexa takes one of Clarke's hands and looks deep in her eyes.

"I have to tell you something and please don't laugh okay?"

"Lexa I would never laugh at you, no matter what you say."

Okay take a deep breath and here we go.

"I've never had sex before. I did some things with Costia but it never felt right enough to actually you know …. go further."

Lexa quickly adverts her eyes but Clarke immediately places a finger under her chin to guide those lovely eyes back to her.

"Oh baby why should I laugh? I'm actually really proud of you to stop when it didn't feel right to you but I know you don't want to talk about things like that but did you enjoy what you did with her … physically? I know that most people with autism have problems with having sex because of all the sensory input. Have you ever …. you know … alone?"

They both blush crimson at that.

"I …. yeah … I have and uhm I like it and that's all I'm going to say to that okay?"

"No problem Lexa. So you like it and you haven't had sex before but you would not be opposed to try with me? That's the bottom line right?"

"Right so like you can continue now."

"Now? You mean right now? Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. I want to try it with you Clarke and I would like for you to stay afterwards. I know I said that I don't like people in my space too long but I think it's kind of appropriate considering."

Clarke can't help but to laugh at that. God damn her girl making all the big steps, she's so freaking proud.

"Alright but let's head to the bedroom okay?"

With that they join hands again and make their way to Lexa's bedroom, the TV forgotten.

* * *

Lexa wakes up and scrunches up her face due to the sunlight shining right into her eyes. Did she forget to close the blinds last night? With that the last evening comes rushing back into her mind and she turns around to look at the blonde angel laying beside her. To say it was perfect would be an overstatement. But hardly anything in this world is ever perfect. Clarke asked her again whether she wanted to wait, for the perfect moment maybe after one of their dates. Lexa was quick in explaining to her that the perfect moment is them making it perfect. Some think it may be rushed but she feels good with the decision she made and she is sure she will never regret making that first experience with Clarke and isn't that what's important? They started of slow and spent the better part of an hour making out both to chicken shit to make the first step before Clarke sat up and pulled her shirt over her head.

They took their time, slowly loosing their clothes and learning each other bodies. Lexa was hesitant at first, too nervous to really do anything besides stroking Clarke's naked skin and looking at the blondes curves in awe. Her ever caring girlfriend took the initiative and started making love to her body with soft touches and even sweeter kisses. She knew from experience with well herself what an awesome feeling it could be but with Clarke it simply outstanding.

Lexa returned the favour, shyly at first and blushing more often than not at the blondes encouraging or guiding words but she likes to think that she got the hang off it fairly quickly.

It took hours for them to get tired and they lay next to each other panting and sweating. Clarke was asleep almost immediately but Lexa was awake next to her, just watching her chest raise and fall.

"I think I'm falling in love with you Clarke Griffin."

She was whispering softly, afraid of waking the blonde next to her but she needed to get it out because it has been on her mind a lot these last few weeks. She's almost sure it's way too early to say that but she can't help herself. With a happy smile she settles down and is asleep within minutes never noticing the smile on Clarke's face.

* * *

Yeah life has been pretty good these last few weeks Clarke Griffin thinks to herself as she enters her apartment the next morning greeted with cat calls from her roommates. She should have really covered those marks on her neck like Lexa suggested but there was not much time. They made love for another few rounds after she woke up next to her brunette and had a quick breakfast. They smiled at each other the whole time and played footsie under the table before Clarke had to rush home to make it to her shift. Lexa thought that having her girlfriend there the next morning, right there in her space would make her feel nervous but she couldn't be more content to watch her cook pancakes with nothing but a t-shirt in her kitchen. She is quite fond of that sight actually and wouldn't mind having Clarke over again in the future. After the blonde left she sits down in the office area to start on an article that is due soon.

Yeah life is pretty good right now indeed.


	13. Misunderstanding

No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you learn about each other there will always be some form of misunderstanding or miscommunication in a relationship. It happens so fast that there is hardly anything you can do to stop it.

That's how it happened to Clarke and she didn't notice something amiss until the shit hit the fan and that just because of one simple word.

* * *

Six hours earlier:

Lexa and Clarke are in their coffee shop, having a little time together after not seeing each other for two days due to a long shift for the blonde and a huge load of articles to write for the woman beside her.

Since the first time Clarke spent at Lexa's apartment they hardly saw each other but they managed to squeeze in a few more nights together such as the last one and after another late night they spent talking and well not so much talking they decided to head out for a much needed breakfast.

Now after devouring their baked goods it's time for a relaxing stroll through the park nearby before heading back home and doing … not so much talking. They've just left the café when a voice shouts Clarke's name.

"Hey Clarke. Wait up!"

Both of them turn around and the blonde barely suppresses a groan when she sees who it is, of all the people she can run into it just had to be Niylah, one of her affairs a few months back, who tried to get her back time and time again after she ended things between them.

As soon as Lexa feels her girlfriend's obvious discomfort there's a gnawing feeling in her stomach. Who is this woman that turns her happy Clarke to an annoyed Clarke in the matter of seconds?

Niylah stops in front of them, her eyes focused on the blonde she missed so much during the last few months, completely ignoring the brunette or the linked hands between them.

"God it's been so long. How are you doing? Haven't heard much since you didn't want to meet up any more."

That sly smirk and the lingering touch on her elbow makes Clarke's blood boil in the matter of seconds. That woman just can't take a hint. She just wants to get rid of her so she can continue her nice day with Lexa but she is never one to hurt people's feelings so she tries to keep their talk as short as possible.

"Niylah, hey. I've been good but I'm busy right now. I'm afraid we have to catch up later."

"No worries beautiful. I still got your number so I'll text you alright?"

"Yeah alright. Bye."

And with that Clarke quickly pulls Lexa away, in the direction of the park. It's not that she didn't want to introduce the brunette, she would've loved to tell Niylah that she has a wonderful girlfriend right there with her but she just wanted to get away from her. After she ended things Niylah wouldn't stop texting or calling her, not accepting that things were over. Her ex does have quite the nasty side to her if she doesn't get what she wants and Clarke wanted to protect Lexa from that. She's doing so well being outside of her apartment there is just no need for trigger that might set her back a few steps. So Clarke tries to be the bigger person and let's her dismissive words and their linked hands speak for themselves hoping Niylah would understand.

But after a few steps she feels Lexa letting go of her hand and stops, turning to her girlfriend a question already on her lips but the sight of her stops Clarke dead in her tracks. The brunette has her arms wrapped around her stomach, eyes looking everywhere but her and she's rocking back and forth.

Lexa can feel her control slipping, every noise around her gets louder and louder till she's numb for everything expect the voice inside her head. Even for her it was quite clear what the woman wanted from Clarke and the thought that her girlfriend had nothing to say to that feels like a huge and burning stone in her stomach. It makes her hot and has her fidgeting unable to something to calm her. Clarke didn't introduce her, not as her girlfriend not even as her friend and ignored her through her short talk with that woman. Why would she do that? _People usually do that when they're embarrassed of their partner. Did you really think that Clarke would shout it from the rooftops? This is not a fairytale, you're are as good as anyone else she could've met on the page that day, you're nothing special. _No that can't be true! Clarke likes her, Clarke wants her, she said so herself. _If Clarke wanted you the way you want her do you think she would've ignored you like she did right now?_ YOU. ARE. NOTHING. SPECIAL! Lexa clamps her hands over her ears, the voice gets too loud and she just wants it to stop.

Clarke is getting scared now. Her girlfriend's rocking becomes faster and she violently shakes her head. She is completely at loss what to do as she doesn't know what caused this attack. Dealing with such an attack is a delicate thing it differs greatly from person to person. Some people might want to be touched, need it even to find a way back outside from their head but others react harshly to it. Things have been going so well between them that they never saw the need to talk about what do do when this situation arises. So Clarke does the only thing she thinks will fix this mess, she calls Anya and prays to every god she knows that the blonde will pick up right away.

* * *

Anya closes the door behind her. Another stressful day at the centre but nothing she can't handle especially as she is now on her break and looks forward to spending a couple of minutes in her quiet office. Just as she sits down on her office chair and makes herself comfortable her phone is ringing on her desk. She is so not in the mood right now so she let's the call go to voicemail and hopes that the caller takes the hint. But no such luck, her phone rings again and again till the point where Anya is tempted to just put in on silent. With a quiet sigh she grabs her phone is immediately alert when she sees who the caller is. Clarke. Sure they exchanged numbers a while back but they never talk on the phone, there is no need for it so she knows that something must have happened. She accepts the call and puts her phone to her ear.

"Clarke. Is everything alright?"

"Anya, something happened and I don't know what to do, I really need your help."

The tearful voice fills her stomach with dread. Anya is up and out of the door in mere seconds. She'll call her colleagues later to explain why she left, her sister is more important right now.

"Okay everything will be alright. Just tell me where you are and what happened, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Lexa and I are at our coffee shop. Everything was fine, then we met an ex of mine and now she's having a episode and I don't know what do do."

"I'm already in my car don't worry. First thing is you need to look out that she doesn't hurts herself, do you remember the song from The Lord of the Rings? Concerning Hobbits? You need to hum it as loud as you can and when she relaxes a little bit you hug her. As tightly as you can okay?"

"What if she starts to fight back?"

"Then grab her tighter and whatever you do don't stop humming that song okay? I'll be on my way now."

With that Anya hangs up her phone and speed out of the parking lot. What happened between them that caused her little sister's episode? She really hopes that Clarke didn't fuck up, she would really hate for them to breakup. At first she didn't want to admit it but they are good for each other and actually quite a cute couple. Clarke is the first person to really accept Lexa just the way she is.

After a few minutes Anya is in front of the café and stops her car at the side of the road, ticket be damned. She already sees the couple, the blonde holding tightly to the brunette and rushes to their side.

"Hey Lex, I'm here. Everything will be alright."

Anya starts stroking her sisters hair and whispers reassuring words in her ear while the blonde still has her arms wrapped around Lexa. She can almost see the gratitude in Clarke's eyes.

"Anya, thank god. I don't know what to do or what happened. We have to get her out of here."

"I'll bring her home. You wanna come with us?"

That gets a reaction out of Lexa. She can't look at Clarke right now, it's too much, too many confusing thoughts in her head that she can't stop. She needs to be alone, with Anya. Her sister can help her, help her to sort out her mind. So Lexa violently shakes her head and hopes the blondes understand. As soon as her sister shakes her head Anya looks at Clarke and can see the moment her heart breaks. She watches as the blonde lets go of her girlfriend and takes a few steps back with tears in her eyes.

"Clarke, she doesn't mean it that way. It's all too much for her and I'm the one she knows the longest okay? Everything will be alright. I'll take her home and take care of her and I promise you she'll call you as soon as she can."

But Clarke barely listens to a word that Anya says. She knows it's just about the bond Lexa shares with her sister but she can't help but feel rejected, like Lexa doesn't want her. What the hell happened? One second all was good and now her girlfriend won't even look her way. She feels lost and her heart aches. She turns around and starts walking to her apartment but after a few steps she looks at Anya.

"Please take care of her okay? And tell her I love her very much."

Lexa wasn't supposed to know this way, Clarke planed something special to say those three words for the first time but this feels like goodbye and she wants Lexa to know. Anya nods, understanding how important that message is so there's nothing left to do, Clarke turns around and hurries home.

Anya takes Lexas hands and slowly pulls her to her apartment. As soon as the door closes behind her the brunette can breath more easily. She's home, she's alright and nothing can hurt her now. Her clothes get too restricting and she pulls at them to get them off. Anya quickly helps her till she's only in her underwear and Lexa quickly goes to lie in der bed. She pulls the covers up to her ears and closes her eyes. _Breathe in and breathe out, just like Indra showed you. You are in your bed. It's safe, warm and cuddly. You are okay. Breathe in and breathe out. _She feels the bed dip as her sister takes a seat next to her, her warm hand stroking her hair to help her guide her trough this episode. It takes twenty minutes then Anya feels her sisters body relaxing into the mattress, her breathing becoming slow and deep.

"Lex? Everything okay now?"

There's a faint and tired hum but it's a signal to continue.

"Before you go to sleep, can you tell me what happened? Clarke was really worried and honestly I'm too if you don't want your girlfriend to come."

Lexa's answer takes some time, mainly because she has to focus on keeping her breathing even. Her voice is so soft that Anya almost misses it.

"We were at our café and wanted to go trough the park."

"But that's good right? You like going out with Clarke."

"In front of the café there was a woman. She knew Clarke and started talking to her. I know she was flirting so I waited for Clarke to say that she should stop, because I'm her girlfriend you know? But she never did. They both ignored me and Clarke never said anything. She even said it's okay if that woman calls her. I feel kinda stupid, I mean I'm not really the best or the easiest girlfriend but I was pretty sure that Clarke liked me you know?"

Anya pinches her nose. She would bet on anything that she owns that Clarke never meant it the way Lexa understood it. She's pretty sure the blonde was just politely trying to get rid of what ever woman tried to flirt with her but her sister never learned how to read between the lines. None of them are at fault here, she just needs both of them to realise that. Lexa needs to learn to be more sure of herself and their relationship and Clarke needs to remember that her sister always takes everything just the way it is said.

"Lexa do you remember when we talked about body language? How I tried to teach you how to read it?"

Lexa finally rolls over to look at her sister.

"Yeah why?"

"How that Clarke react when that woman started talking to her? Did she leave your side? Put some distance between you? Was she dropping your hand?"

"No I think she pulled me closer. But why does that have to do with her not stopping the woman?"

"Listen to me and listen carefully okay? When you practically sent Clarke away she looked heartbroken, she was absolutely devastated and wanted me to tell you that she loves you. To me that doesn't sound like she wanted to hide you as her girlfriend. I think she was just trying to be polite. You know what I mean?"

Lexa sits up, the blanket falling of her body. Clarke loves her? But earlier...why did she ignore her then? That makes absolutely no sense to her. With hopeful eyes she looks at Anya, hoping that at least her sister could ease her mind.

"She really said she loves me?"

That earns her an eye roll of the blonde and a very light tap against her forehead.

"Of course she loves you, you dumbass. Everyone can see that, it looked like you ripped her heart out when you said she couldn't come with you."

"But why didn't she say anything?"

"Because maybe for her it was obvious that you're dating. I mean you were holding hands right? That is usually a universal sign of being in a relationship."

"But... that doesn't make sense. You can hold hands with everyone that doesn't mean that you have to date them."

Anya grabs Lexas cheeks and guiding her to look her in the eye.

"Lexa I love you with all of my heart but simply because something isn't logical to you that doesn't mean it's not logical for anybody else. Trust me, Clarke loves you very much and she would never break up with you."

"Anya, I think I love her too. I'm not sure how love feels like but I don't want to be without her, she always makes me laugh and every time she is near me or I think of her I feel warm all over. Is that love?"

"Yes kid, I think that's love."

Suddenly Lexa is out of the bed, running into her living room and trying to pull her clothes on as humanly possible. Anya is quick to follow and grabs her sisters shirt before she's able to.

"What are you doing Lex?"

"I need to see her Anya. I need to talk to her and tell her I love her back. I don't want her being sad because of me. What if she thinks I want to break up with her because of today?"

"I get that kid but you should sleep before you go to see her, you know how exhausted you are after an episode. Go lay down, sleep for a bit and I promise you I will drive you to her apartment."

"Okay you're right. Sleep first and then Clarke."

"I'm always right kid."

* * *

Clarke sprints the last steps to her apartment door, she managed to keep the tears at bay but now she feels some of them running down her cheeks and she wants to avoid an embarrassing situation with her neighbours. She hopes that her roommates are out, she's really not in the mood to talk about it right now.

Finally in her room, she closes the door behind her just in time for the first sob escaping her mouth. What the hell happened? Everything was good and within a few minutes everything went to hell. Lexa does not want to talk to her, even practically sent her away. Was it something she said? Was it something that Niylah said? She feels the headache forming behind her temples so she moves to lie on the bed. Hopefully some calm will help her head and as much as she loathes to say it her heart.

Suddenly her phone is ringing in her pocket. Maybe that's Anya calling her about Lexa! But with one look at the display her shoulders slump in disappointment. It's her mother calling her as she does every week to check up on her. But maybe she should talk to her mother about her relationship problems, well she really hopes there is still a relationship. Abby Griffin was always a person you could come to no matter which problem you have. She helped Raven trough that hard time when her mom started drinking and she needed a place to stay.

Maybe it is worth a try? Her mother already knew about Lexa and about her well condition, maybe a different perspective can help her figure out what went wrong today. She presses the green button and holds the phone to her ear.

"Hey mom."

"Hi sweetheart. Did I catch you at a bad time? You sound sad honey"

"No you actually called just in time. I need relationship advice."

"Oh is something wrong? Are you okay? Is Lexa okay?"

"Actually I don't know mom. We were having a date today, at our café and outside we met Niylah. You know how she is, a big flirt and I tried to get rit of her as fast as I could but then Lexa had an episode. It was really bad I had to call Anya and then Lexa didn't want me to come home with her."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry. What triggered her episode?"

"I don't know, it just happened so sudden, right after Niylah promised to call me and then left."

"I can't believe that girl. She never excepted that break up and now she promises to call you right after she sees you with your girlfriend. Did she even say hi to Lexa when you introduced her?"

Suddenly Clarke feels hot all over. She never introduced Lexa, she is ashamed to admit that she actually kind of ignored her when talking to her ex lover.

"Clarke? Honey are you still there?"

"Yeah mom sorry. I was just thinking, I erm I actually never introduced them to each other."

"So you mean to tell me that an ex is flirting with you and you never thought about telling her no because your girlfriend is right next to you?"

Clarke can hear the anger in her mother's voice and now she has a slight idea why Lexa was so upset with her. How could she be so stupid? Looking at it through her girlfriends eyes that must have been a huge blow.

"I'm so stupid mom, I don't even know what to say."

"Clarke. That poor girl! What were you thinking?"

"I wanted to get rid of Niylah, I just wanted so spent time with Lexa. No wonder she didn't want me to go home with her. God, what should I do?"

"Well tell her honey. She needs to know that it was just a misunderstanding."

"I'm gonna call her right away thanks mom!"

"No honey wait I didn't mean right now. She had an episode earlier, you know that she needs time to calm down. Give her time and then go and talk to her."

It goes against everything that Clarke feels right now but she knows her mother is right. Lexa must be afraid, angry and exhausted. She needs time to calm down and she has Anya there with her. In a few hours she'll try and talk to Lexa.

"You're right mom. Would you mind keeping me some company? I think I'll go crazy if I'm alone right now."

"No, I just finished a shift at the hospital so I've got time."

"Thanks, you're the best. How are things at work?"

While being on the phone with her mom Clarke counts the minutes till she can finally talk to her girlfriend and beg for her forgiveness. Hopefully it's not to late by then.


End file.
